Hope is a word I nearly forgot the meaning of, as I sank deeper into the depths of a sea I once called home. My lungs stripped of the ability to breathe in this sea I love, leaving me to drown, in this place I could not escape from nor did I wish too. With only sheer will some how managing to keep me conscious as feeling faded from my body. Sound and sight growing ever dim. Just as the last wisp of my strength began to fade the ocean, or maybe the world, decided to bless me with one more breathe. A single bubble floating from the depths of the sea in which I slowly sank floated up to me. As the bubble floated to me for the first time I allowed myself to sink in hopes I reached this bubble that might not even be air before it was too late. As I sank further into the abyss slowly getting closer and closer to the bubble I wondered if I or it would pop before I reached it. This fragile bubble floating towards the surface in this great expanse of an ocean. When at last the moment of truth arrived, just as I was moments away from the bubble, I released the last bit of air in my lungs which there was barely enough of to even call a release. It was more likely my soul would leave me before the last of the air did. I leaned forward into the oncoming bubble knowing this was the moment that would decide if I sank or swam. Upon making contact I took a deep breathe in, and to my dismay I found the bubble contained liquid not even a gas. Was this it? Was this how I went? Without the ability to even let out a whimper. As the liquid filled my lungs a mixture of sweet relief that my struggle was over and silent terror as I realized that there was no undoing what I did and all those chances, maybes and might have been meant nothing now if I was not around to take them. As the cold set in my body felt like it was freezing all the way to its core. This was it I thought. Regret had started filling my mind when suddenly it stopped. I opened my eyes, and I blinked. I was still alive, but I wasn’t breathing. Before I could even find myself pondering the question, “How can this be?” I found I myself swimming towards the depths. Toward the origin of the bubble. I knew I was far too deep to attempt to swim to the surface of this sea. I still didn’t wish to leave. My only chance lied deep within the recesses of this ocean. Far deeper than I, or the ocean itself was even aware it went. Perhaps even to its origins. If there was even a chance that I could call this place home again I would do what ever it takes. So before this spell breaks, and my end comes to greet me, I will continue to struggle in hopes that I reach this perhaps fictional place in the sea where I can still live and breathe in this place I once called home.
Each day you’re away my soul shatters a little more as I try to keep my heart at Bay. Each time I must reach deep within to feel a little less alone again. To remind myself it’s not the end. But the deeper I go the more I find my soul entwined with a love so rich it feels divine. With love like this you’ll never crave again. But to have such wealth to share yet alone I am contrary to my plan. It hurts to know you won’t take a stand beside the one you called your man. Yet here I toil away to face you the one I call my love one day. Till than I shall forever stand waiting for three words from you to set me free and set ablaze our life again perhaps you know them as well as I. These three words from you will let us fly.
People say actions speak louder than words. You say my words spoke volumes, but my actions spoke chapters at most. It pains me to know you didn’t understand the volumes I was speaking to you in the chapters I wrote. So I’ll Show you every action under the sun, moon & stars to show I am the one you believed in. So here I dance and sing for a world that knows not me to a play of love and tragedy. In hopes my words now acted out will show the world just what my heart is shouting out. Hoping one day my play’s review reaches you and you’ll come watch me profess my love for you. To be enchanted anew so the true stars of my play will shine forever more, it’s true stars which are me and you. Though once crossed we now collide to form a bond held forever strong. To star in the roles we were born to play, for the world to see a truly heartfelt play that tells the tale of you and I and a love so real it out last time.
While wandering the sand sea little did I know I was going to discover a lost archive that would put any library to shame. The stories our pictures told as I unearthed them from the desert. This library of life & love began to bury me under oceans of sand. I began to struggle for air as I realize there was no swimming through this forbidden sea. The waves of emotion brought on threatened to take me under, was I to drown in this sea of regret brought on by this clear testimony of our, now questioned, love? Will I be buried along with the many treasures these forbidden sands had taken from us long ago? To be just another lost and forgotten story without ever having the chance to share the wonders discovered beneath this once thought barren desert? No I will unearth this kingdom we thought lost and build an empire for us live in. This will be our private oasis and I wish to share its wonders with you even if we are the only ones who get to enjoy its plunders. We will create memories for every grain of sand this desert has so that never again can these forbidden sands take from us. For now the desert and all its secrets will tell the story of a love once lost but now forever found.
I’m not giving up each morning I burn a blaze for her and each night I must stifle those flames, so as not to be consumed by my own fiery heart. I only wish I could see her smile and know she is well. I worry every day she is away, I know we must scrape our knees and truly learn what it means to bleed. However we need not go through this pain alone. We need not suffer this sustained longing for home expecting things to change with no water to grow. For excepting a helping hand does not make us weak. A heart, its beat the love we shared was more than just a little neat. This battle fought to suffer alone for the sake of growth is a battle lost as time we could share slips away. For if we seek to suffer we shall pay its cost never knowing what we’ve truly lost. Her time with me and mine with her was no mistake. We loved, we fought, we grew, we lost but through and through our love proved true. But blending with those of discontent left our vibrant pictures grey and bland. Laughter replaced now by tears and love now falling on deafened ears. As words left unsaid tear at our hearts a chance is given for a brand new start. Color regained and through solace reformed we can lift up our love and start it a new or let lie what we try to convince our hearts to deny. For fear to misunderstand words which have yet to be said. Shall we run, shall we hide, or maybe we shall finally fly. Hands out stretched reaching for that which we know for truth. Stopped and blocked by those who drew near claiming to understand the stories of two souls set ablaze by desires unleashed. A part of me, a part of her, we have the key we have the lock all that’s left is to turn the key and start the clock, to unlock what was once thought lost, but forever sought.
I know our book smells the same so your worried you already know it, but you know the wonders of a book go beyond its smell, beyond its feel, beyond the number of its pages; each time you read it you understand more and gain a new appreciation for it. It’s up to you whether we turn the page of our book to get to the next chapter or drop the book before it’s finished because the summary of another caught your eye. I know you can’t see the ending of our book right now and reading a sad story breaks your heart, but I can promise you if you turn the page you’ll see the wonderful world you always believed was there. That you didn’t read this far in to be disappointed. I’ve read our book before a long time ago in my dream when I choose you to be the muse of my soul over another. Yes there are different stories we can read and write, each invoking hidden, lost or forgotten feelings, but I know you know the feeling of finishing a great book you believed in no matter how people criticized it and made you feel. To find you weren’t wrong or disappointed, so I ask you with all that I am, with all that we’ve shared and have yet to experience to turn this next page with me & you’ll see you really are reading a beautiful book, and not a tragedy. Even the main characters always have room to grow in a good book so will you grow with me as our pages turn.
(A vow to my heart a drift at sea may the waves carry my message to you and guide you home)